Notes from India

March, 2010

It has been 3 years that I wrote you my reports from India! Thanks to all of you who have supported this Wenlido India (personal safety program for womyn/girls) project over the years.

Hi all,

Greetings from dusty, sweltering Delhi, 38c. I am gathering my thoughts and looking back at my time here before I fly back in 2 days from now. It has been 3 years that I was here last, but slipping into my `Indiaskin` came surprisingly easy. Intense is an understatement, which goes along with life in India.

Honoured I felt to have another chance of walking with some 2000 womyn on IWDay in Delhi, marching in a sea of colors, chanting Hindi slogans of asadi (freedom) . . . . I also watched a screening at the womyn`s film fest, by a courageous Sri Lankan woman, where lesbianism is a criminal offense.

OUR STORY: WOMEN WHO LOVE WOMEN

45 mins/ Sri Lanka/ Anoma Rajakaruna

Lesbians in Sri Lanka define their choices.

Followed by a discussion with the filmmaker.

I arrived a month ago, and was picked up by my long term friend D., who was the one who invited me the first year for the wenlido trainings, now 9 years ago. We both worked on making the program culturally relevant then, and we taught to 400 girls in the colleges around Delhi and Lucknow that year. Thereafter decided wenlido is a tool that is useful for the situation in India. 9 years . . . much has happened, at this point we have 28 active wenlido members in the Network (have gone thru the extensive wenlido TOT (training of trainers), and interested in continuing to grow and/or work with wenlido as a tool). The TOT has 3 phases, each 9 to 10 days, residential, with strong components of `Needs-Based-Awareness` (or non-violent communication), `transforming trauma`, `child rights` and `child development` and `gender training. Our members are from 5 states, all casts and socio economic backgrounds. Many in their 20 and 30s, 2 in their 40s.

11 are active certified trainers presently,

5 inactive certified trainers

1 inactive apprentice

3 active apprentices

8 supporters

Many womyn have been married since and have no permission to continue this type of work. Many lost support from their organization (too long of a learning period/apprenticeship, reluctant to invite certified trainers to support their employees) and were not able to continue. Some of the `senior` trainers have given intense support in teaching, and doing apprentice support all over India for 2 or 3 years and then moved on to other things, like teaching non-violent communication skills, and another has gone into teaching meditation. Some dealing with health issues, but are staying connected in the network.

We estimate that 15000 womyn/girls have gone thru the 20 hour basic wenlido program in 9 years.

There were 10 days before our scheduled meetings in Himachal Pradesh. Dh (works with wenlido 8 years) lives in Delhi and would come by `my place `frequently. 3 days later arrived P. to join me. She lives 24 hours away by train. She has only gone thru the TOT in 2006, but is very strong and commited to teaching/promoting wenlido. She told me `I come to be your shadow`. We spent a lot of time processing what has happened in India regarding the womyn, the `politics` in the womyn`s movement, her life situation and preparing our agenda for the meetings and preparing proposals.

CH has taken the TOT 9 years ago, she lives in delhiand we had a long heartfelt reunion. She organizes wenlido workshops now and has become a supporter. Her focus has shifted to teaching NVC from a gender perspective to womyn, integrating some of the wenlido concepts.

Ay from Kolkata finally arrived and the 4 of us got ready for the overnight bus journey to Himachal Pradesh, where our meetings were held in a small village, 40 minutes from Daramsala (where the Dalai Lama and many Tibetans live in exile). The reason we chose this place, even though it was very far for some to come, was because 2 very active trainers live here (2007 TOT). Their situation is ideal as they are totally supported by their organization. They work for the womyn`s centre, Nishta, which is connected to the village clinic. They have been strengthening their womyn`s community, and it is visible and obvious is many ways. Their focus is amongst others : working with single womyn. Single womyn rarely live alone here and mostly live in their extended families, where they suffer, from lack of safety and abuse. Single meaning: deserted, widowed, unmarried. When womyn fill out forms here and they need to state: married or single, they ask what kind of single . . . . This past year 3000 single womyn marched for 2 days demanding human rights! Single womyn and girls are the most disadvantaged amongst womyn.

Our meetings: the first one was with 5 of us, the `TOT development team` for 3 intense days. There has not been the confidence to do the TOT without my support, and this was the reason I came. We created a teaching team. Realizing the freedom this presented not to be tied to my schedule of 6 months in India, we came up with new creative ideas for the 3 phases. 20 major decisions were made to move forward. We effectively made it thru with the help of dynamic governance (sociocracy). I was thankful 2 of the womyn had taken workshops in this, so we managed to stay on track.

Wenlido Milan (national meeting).

13 took the long journey (2 days travel for most) to be together for 5 days. Reviewing basic and advanced techniques and wenlido concepts. Discussions on challenges they encountered in teaching the basics and the practice groups. Noticing after day 2, that keeping up with the physical workouts of 4 hours a day with my 20 and 30 year old friends . . . is getting a bit more challenging. My body felt ancient, until someone handed me some homeopathics (Rhus tox)!! Magically that got me right back on track!

Lots of discussions, keeping again to a tight schedule. On the 4th day we went for an outing to Daramsala, hiking to a waterfall, visiting the Buddhist temple, where the Dalai Lama holds his talks, and checking out the stores and booths in the alley ways surrounding the temple. We got home utterly exhausted.

There was concerns about the effectiveness of our session on domestic violence. Such a huge issue and so little time in our workshops. How to improve . . . ?

We made a round and 3 in our circle who went thru DV(domestic violence) shared what it was like to be in that utter place of powerlessness or victim mode. What was their turning point, what created that moment, that shift, where the mind started focusing on `how do I get out, how can I save myself . . . the turning point crystallized into: being able to see beyond . . . thru the own life situation. For De, she went to the roof top and REALLY saw the stars, they were `alive` . . . she had been bound to her compound for years and suffered extreme violence. From then on, she started making plans.

For Sh: a friend told her: you are the STRONGEST of us all, what happened to you? That was her turning point.

With this information we redesigned the visual (role play) that they have been doing to show the `cycle of violence`and then for the different groups of womyn: girls, married, single womyn. Domestic violence is often experienced from the in-laws as well, as of course the case with the single womyn living with in-laws.

In the evening we watched the movie: PROVOKED. Made in UK, about DV, Indian family in UK. A true story, well worth watching!! I imagine it being available to us.

Some success stories (re. decisions `out of the box`, after wenlido): K. wenlido trainer for girls, got married off last year. Her in-laws wear `gungat`, in some Hindu communities the womyn cover their faces. The womyn in these communities are expected to serve the chai to the father in-law, covering their face, never speaking to him, looking down. She did this for 10 days, now though pressure from the womyn, holding her own in not wearing the `gungat` and also speaking directly to the father in law. It may not seem much to us, but this is a huge step in asserting herself.

One girl student in K. class, about 12 years old, after wenlido, made a decision and asserted herself in continuing her education, despite immense pressure from the family.

Sh, wenlido apprentice since 5 years, expected to wear `gungat`, and serve the chai is the above mentioned manner.

Her father in law got sick, and she was to tend him. She took off the `gungat` and started reading the paper, then loud so he could hear. The other womyn, being illiterate, were hostile toward her. She left off her gungat after that, talking to father in law directly, holding her own

We had discussion on POWER OVER AND POWER UNDER. Did experiential exercises on where (by society`s standarts) we hold power over each other. Talked about unearned privilege, and planning for this in becoming aware of where to take up more space and where to hand space over in an attempt to undo `internalized domination thinking`.

Right now am still recuperating from my 12 hour bus trip from Himachal back to delhi. It is hot! 38c. I have 2 more days filled with meetings and good byes. Braving again the heat today and smog to pick up some homeopathics and some fabric, before my flight takes me back to Vancouver via Hong Kong Friday.

My sincere gratitude to the Wenlido Vancouver group W.E.S.T. to sponsor again my flight to support the Wenlido India Network for their next step to take Wenlido further independently.

In womyn`s courage and strength - weaving a (SAFETY) net around the globe

Gitta