International Women's Day (March 8th,03) I spent in the village of Rakkar in the Himalayas close to Dharamsala. Colorful, festive tent fabrics decorated the village school grounds where around 100 village women gathered for the occasion.

Deepti (Wenlido trainer) and I started the event off with a couple of games and lots of laughter. One of the games flopped due to translation...but we still had fun. On the stage girls did skits, sang songs, there was a puppet show in local dialect, somebody talked about recycling.

Due to travel my friend had lost a night's sleep and was on her way for a snooze, when she was nabbed to sing a song on stage and then tell about her women's group 'Saheli' in Delhi. Saheli is quite famous and respected in some circles for being a radical and committed women's group (for close to 30 years) working on issues of women against violence and being NON FUNDED(purposely to not get curtailed into sponsor's objectives). Some of you may remember that this was the group that invited me to teach in India last year.

The IWD event ended with Chai and snacks for everyone. D and I were asked to teach a basic Wenlido as part of IWDay by Dr. B who runs the local clinic here in the village. She is originally Austrian, and is totally integrated in the Indian culture. She has 2 grown (Indian) children. Surprisingly enough I really appreciated getting 'cold' and breathing the brisk mountain air in the mornings. I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about Dr. B. and life up here in Rakkar.

The workshop with the local young women was very touching. Main issues are alcoholism and the very rigid embedded caste system. One of the young women there was of the lowest caste, strikingly beautiful, very intelligent and obviously very well loved by the other women there (of different castes). Her father is an alcoholic and an abuser. One day she had lost it and hit back...to a point where he had to be taken to the hospital. The governing body of the village reprimanded her but...he has not touched her mother since.... She is also in love with a upper caste boy. For them to go with that love could realistically mean death for both, I am informed. Again the reoccurring issue in our workshops, how to bring awareness to the 'victim mode', or 'state of powerlessness' and how to move beyond, when such action have proven deadly for women who did challenge the (caste) system.

D and I consult between each other in the discussion. Faced with this issue it is difficult not to feel even more powerless. We decide to make it a subject of discussion at the 'follow up' workshop with the other trainers. It is important for all to decide on an approach. This issue is particularly difficult when teaching in the villages.

The following day D and I take the train back through the mountains and plains to Delhi. Back to the heat.

Here a team of 4 trainers teach a workshop at the Christian Education Centre. An extremely lively group with all the challenges that come with that. Short attention span and they just can't wait to finish so they can "dance"!

Was it 8 years ago now that my friend from Hornby Island (Canada), Diane asked me to instruct a Women's Self-Defense Workshop at her house because she was about to go to India to work with midwives in the villages? Special memories from my first visit to India in 1979 made me want to return. In 2000 my partner and I took the opportunity and visited her there. Through Diane I was introduced to Jagori (Women's Training and Documentation Centre) who then asked me to do a workshop for them and other activists in Delhi. Diane still lives in Auroville (Tamil Nadu, South India) and is about to finish her training manual on midwifery now. Dealing with the challenges of living and teaching (independently) in India as a foreigner, I have been able to draw comfort, insights and reassurance from her. As well she has become my fibre art 'guru'. She hand sews the most stunning 'pictures' in Indian silks and satins.

Our 2 day TOT (Training of Trainers) Follow-Up Workshop is held at the same venue in Delhi where the first basic Wenlido in India was taught 2.5 years ago (organized by Jagori, then and now).

The women arrive from Calcutta, Lucknow, Gujarat, Maharashtra, Delhi, from cities and villages. Everyone is excited to meet again and some don't know each other yet from the 'other' TOT. Almost 20 out of the 30 total make it. Not bad considering that many of these women did not have a chance to make themselves familiar with the basic program before they came for the instructor training.

One woman (32) determined to stay single and committed to the women's movement, unexpectedly had her 'wedding date' on the day of our workshop. Another trainer is being pressured by her family to decide on one of the applying prospects by May for marriage.

Whether these women can continue doing this type of work is up to the boy's family of course. Throughout all the supervisions I had found many similar challenges and mistakes in teaching the basics. I was glad to have a chance to address these issues and move on from there with all of them. Most of us seem to thoroughly enjoy the 'serious' advance workout. Decisions are made around networking, support and course content.

The 2 days flew by too quickly. Much sadness and unknowns about the future, that I (and all of us) forgot to do a closing round. So we finished with a kata and an open circle. Some said it happened because it is not finished.?!?

We all agree this is invaluable work. The challenges that this young organization is faced with that some of its members are already overworked in their organizations (finding time is a truly difficult), some dealing with pressures to get married, and there is an overwhelming demand for participation in the basics Wenlido workshops already. The beginning has been made. A commitment to safety, protection of ethics and continuation to whatever extend possible has been made. I feel a strong, close sisterhood with these women.

The political situation in India, Gulf and the West appears to be deteriorating fast. More uncertainties than I know how to absorb... After Delhi on the way to the next Basic I stopped to spend some time with a good friend whose sister was due to have her baby. The timing was right for me to be part of witnessing the miracle and welcoming this new little human into this reality. While waiting in front of the delivery room we became acquainted with 2 women (mother and mother-in-law) who also were waiting... When the nurse came out to present them with their little grandchild wrapped in an old piece of sarree the first excited question was" boy or girl???". With the answer (girl) came a huge dissapointment. Their shoulders dropped, it was as if they were faced with a failed exam. The father walked off not looking at his daughter. The women said in a low voice...now we have to start saving for the dowry. Even though I know all this about Indian culture, it still was a shock how devalued the women feel about themselves. It made me very sad. "Please tell them something, anything positive about girls" I tell my friend...in vain it seems... Shortly after 'our bundle' is handed to us. A boy. The mother G has been in excruciating pains, drugged, cut up, sewn up, filled with antibiotics. All that she had not wanted. By the time she comes back into her room she is in pain and unwell. By circumstance I end up being the caregiver to this new life for the first 30 hours. A very special blessing, as I feel this is the closest I will ever get to giving birth. He spent his first night in worldly reality on my belly (I felt he needed to hear a heart beat but his mother was not able to handle him). When I held him I only felt the miracle of new life. He was born whitish, pink. As the hours passed he slowly turned to nice tan color. No sun bathing required!

When I put him down I would get sad, thinking of the 2 women I had met in the morning and the headlines in the paper: woman burned by husband, because of dowry dispute...

War in Iraq started... The hospital room was on the top floor and the heat close to unbearable by now. Since no meals were provided, we spent 4 days shuttling with the 'two-wheelers' between home and hospital with food. In the morning I was happy to have the time to hang balloons in their apartment and decorate with bowls of flower petals for the 'welcome home'.

The day they returned home I left for a workshop in Gujarat. In Gujarat I assist N. in her workshop. It is a very special workshop in that half of the women are Muslim and the other half are Hindu. Some of them come from he same village where the atrocious riots happened just a year back. So much raping and killing (neighbor against neighbor) that some of them left their house for the first time in a year to come to this. All of us sitting in circle bordered on a miracle itself.

The discussions are powerful, the defense techniques are practiced with vigour. In the closing round I share how special this group is to me, amongst all the other things, because it is the last one after 5 months of intense workshops one after the other. That I don't know if I ever make it back. As I look up at the group I see all women are crying with me. My heart goes out to them and theirs to me. As we take leave they come and touch my feet (a gesture given in great honor and respect, which I experienced at the very first workshop and this last one, and always made me feel extremely awkward) and many of us sob in sadness (for more than one reason it seems to me). N. has put a lot of effort into organizing these workshops and caring for me through these months in Gujarat and our parting is difficult and emotional. I return to Pune where I started this journey off 5 months ago in early November. Payments are made to the dentist whose treatments I did not manage to finish due to lack of time. I introduce one of the new trainers to BAIF (big Ghandian NGO working to improve village life, funded by CIDA) as an instructor who can teach in their local language, Marati. Taking leave from Seema who heads the 'women's health and empowerment branch', at BAIF and who took me in so warmly on my arrival. Taking leave from my 80 year old friend Nishtatai at the ajuvedic ashram/clinic in Uruli Kanchan. Her books on women's reality in the villages in India will finally be published in Switzerland.

I am blessed to be taken to the airport in Bombay by a friend. I am feeling torn, a part of my heart remaining with Mother India. Tears seem to be a faithful companion by now... More than identifying with a particular country I find myself identifying with the global sisterhood. I see and feel what connects us all on its very foundation.

Growing up female in a patriarchy for 5000 years(?), has left its scars of damage. The dictionary defines Patriarchy as the Rule of the fathers. The different cultures on the planet have exercised this rule of domination in some different variations. Yet the bottom line result: women fearing (to different degrees, no doubt!) to say NO, because of what might happen....seems to be one of the many common threads that weave thru all the fabrics of global cultures.

As western women we have the privilege of 'freedom of choice' (come by through great struggles of women before us)! How wisely do you (I) use it? Really???

How to re-integrate into western culture again is my biggest challenge at this point. Right now am in Europe visiting my mother and sisters. Carrying still those two very different cultural realities in my mind and heart. Nobody exclaims anymore....look Mami there walks a foreigner! Yet when sharing priorities that shape our lives I find myself feeling more than ever like a foreigner inside....

The best to all of you.

In less than a week I will be back in Canada.

As always am happy to get feedback and/or hear from you!

Gitta