I am coughing, but still breathing. Delhi air at its
finest. I was on the way home on the back of a
scooter when we were caught in the traffic for 2.5
hours. Police everywhere. Reason being was the
terrorist attack on the parliament. Sort of like a
nightmare for an 'air sign'. But am still
alive and kicking!!!
Finished my 4th workshop yesterday since December 7th.
They have been extremely well received in the
colleges of Delhi University. The first 3 were in the
English speaking colleges (upper middle class).
Generally speaking many come from progressive
backgrounds. They were articulate, very present and
questioning the roles of women in their society.
Especially looking at the deep seated shame, and
feeling like a burden to family. The blatant sexual
harassment in the overcrowded buses is unimaginable
for us. Not to mention the acceptable aggression
within the family.
I am only slowly getting used to being called Ma'am
every time they talk to me. It makes me feels ... old.
old fashioned?
Or having my feet touched, after they touch their own
forehead ... this means great honor and thankfulness
toward me. Often I receive gifts or flowers from them
(upper class). They are very sweet. One time an 18
year old at the end of the course came to me
crying ... saying " Ma'am, I don't want to leave, I just
want to stay with you!!" What to say to that? I just
hugged her and off she went crying....
The "women's development cell" is an organization that
is taking hold in many schools and colleges. Some women teachers and counselors belong to these groups. They
organize events and plays bringing gender awareness to
the community. They talk of patriarchal structures
and roles that disenfranchise and kill women.
Just to give you an idea, I quote from a couple of articles in
the mainstream paper today. They found that 15 % of
baby girls are killed in Delhi because of so called
'boy preference'. Families are faced with coming up
with dowries to get the girls married. This mainly
affects lower middle class. They end up going into
high debts for this. Upper middle class has no
problem flaunting their riches and also is questioning
these practices more than any other group (but it
still is a problem there). Lower class just doesn't
have anything to give.
Another article...many families are finding it
difficult to marry off daughters when they are too
educated (because the choice of grooms, more educated
than the girls, is reduced). Therefore families with
educated (single) daughters, will limit the education
to the younger daughters.
Another article... Dowry deaths (so called 'stove
bursts') have increased 4 fold since 1987 in North
India even though dowry has been made illegal.
Another article... Arranged marriages still account for 89 percent of Indian marriages.
My last workshop was in a Hindi college of lower
middle class girls. It was very challenging for me.
Not only because everything had to be translated
(fortunately I had their teacher, S., who brought
in the 'women's development cell' to their school and
she is as well a member of Saheli, the women's group
who sponsors me here) but their obvious lack in self
esteem was stunning, compared to the other schools.
They seemed so disconnected from their bodies, so shy,
so guilty about all and everything.
Then I was told the girls could not be expected on
time because most could not leave the house until
father, then brothers left the house. They need to
get permission for everything (they are 18, 19, 20
years old). To come to this workshop many had to
fight in the family to get to come. All of them wore
traditional clothes and it was a challenge for them to
take the 'dupatta' (shawl) off their necks, because
it was in the way of doing the exercises. Their
attention span was short, they were fidgety, yet really
wanted to be there. No one backed out. Breaking the
boards was a challenge but in the end (I start with it
in the beginning ... good thing!) everyone did, many had
many tries. The kiyis took lots of work, but they did
it! The talks on sexual assault...some wiped away
tears, when talking of the shame in the family...Using
the word sex when I started out on the topic had quite
the impact. My 25 year old (additional) translator
from Saheli, said to me ... "you want me to translate
that sex is supposed to be a wonderful and
consensual experience"...?
I am certainly glad they have a wonderful teacher and Counsellor (who participated as well), to work with them
afterwards. To pick up some pieces... I wonder what
they will do with what they learned. The new
instructors will have their hands full, no doubt about
that. Without the teamwork with these courageous
women This all would never be possible.
The discussion on Indian law is not encouraging for
imagining change. Nor the lecherous and down right
violent accounts of dealing with the police.
There are many Hindi movies of women being raped, she
usually commits suicide after for she cannot bear the
shame... her dignity lost forever...
The other day I went to a Saheli meeting. Two women
came back from a meeting in Bombay on Sexual Assault.
It is being pushed to make the law gender neutral and
Canada is being made the role model!
The women's movement is quite against it.
Another interesting note. It is traditional here that
women live with the parents until they are married
(even in upper and upper middle class). One woman, 25, and told me of her struggles to
get her own place. It was torturous. The father
called her friends and blamed them for destroying
their daughter and their family, etc. They locked
away her school certificates and clothes and on and
on. Finally she moved out with hardly anything. Her friends
all came over on her first night alone
and brought dishes, clothes, pots and pans, a table
and a mattress. She told me how she longed to do her
own life, but also that she knew nothing. Did not
know how to cook, to wash her clothes, to do dishes,
nothing ... because of having servants all her life.
She visits her parents twice a week, to show them she
cares. And when they have relatives visit, she has to
be there and act as if she was living at home. So as not
to shame them ....
Another 26 year old woman, working in a foreign embassy, is preparing her parents that she will
move out on her own. It is a great struggle at this
point.
Not easy to break tradition ... conditioning. What
strength it takes!
Not unusual ... but when I tried to mail this off three
days ago all the computers in the cyber cafe
crashed ...
Fortunately I had just saved the draft. Must have
sensed it coming! Oh happy moment! (-:
I have finished my last workshop for this year now. It
was a gem with future scientists in their college.
Young well to do women in their 20's. Very
interesting discussions on issues that concern them
around their traditional roles and expectations.
Now I have 10 days off! I think I will take the
overnight bus to Mount Abu. A little hill station on
the Rjastani/Gujarat border. I know a little hotel
there that is quiet and clean with places to hike, and
good air to breathe. It is where Indian tourists like
to go. My friend Usah got here last night from
Germany and we will go on this little adventure together.
After that I have a course with all activists and then
I head to Lucknow and Allahabad, a 10 hour train ride
east. Four workshops there and then down to Bangalore
(two days and two nights on the train) in the south for three
workshops, then at least one in Auroville. After that
back to the North for the instructor training.
Hope you all have a great holiday season. May it be a
good turning inside season for all of us. And may the
'powers who be' decide on peace rather than war!
feelings of strong sisterhood from India...
Gitta
taught by
 B.C., Canada, 1 (604) 876-6390 |
Contact Wenlido and Gitta
Women Educating in Self-defense Training (WEST).